Bullet-pointed Update

I know it's been a while, things have been a little hectic/crazy/overwhelming.

But here are some bullet-pointed updates on my life:

-I am going to teach Spanish full-time next year.

-I had a student first semester who gave me a lot of problems. He is a good kid, just very challenging. And last week he chose me as his favorite teacher and asked me to be with him on senior night at the baseball game. I almost cried.

-I have apparently developed allergies for the first time in my life. Boo.

-My first year of teaching is winding down. This makes me both happy and sad.

-Seesalt is coming soon! I can't wait to meet my fellow staff members. This summer is going to be amazing.

-We used this song at camp two summers ago. I recently rediscovered it and it is my anthem. Here is the chorus:
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, cry out to Jesus

You Found Me

When I first heard this song by The Fray something about it struck me. It reads like one of the Psalms.

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

education in america

Arne Duncan, the Education Secretary in Obama's Cabinet favors a longer school year to help our students catch up and become/remain competitive with those in foreign countries. His concerns are drop out rates in both high school and college. (http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/27/education.school.year/index.html) I am a teacher, and although I have not been teaching long I can tell you that a longer school year is not going to make us more competitive. Our school systems reflect our culture: students do not face the consequences of their actions and very little is expected of them. Students in other countries know what is expected and they know that one bad choice can effectively change the course of their lives. That is not the case for students in America. I teach in a school that has students from both the low and high ends of the socioeconomic spectrum. Many students refuse to open books at home. They do not study and yet they expect not only to pass their classes but to do so with As and Bs. They do not want to take notes in class, they want open book and open note tests and feel entitled to high grades regardless of their actions. A longer school year will not do anything to change the attitudes of these students, and I think more will drop out. In many European countries high school is a privilege, not a mandate by law. If this were the case in America (which I'm not advocating, but merely making a point) our students would look smarter and more competitive. However, when all of our students are compared with the best of everyone else's, of course we're going to look bad.

I recognize that my high school was a very different environment, although drugs and alcohol and sex were prevalent, the focus was on high grades, good colleges, and the future. Many of the students at my school work jobs simply to help their parents pay the bills. Others are already addicted to drugs or alcohol. And even still, others go home to parents who simply do not care. I agree that changes need to be made. But, a longer school year is not the answer. Higher pay for better test grades is not the answer. No Child Left Behind is not the answer. What is the answer? I don't know exactly. But I do know that it lies in family values, involved parents, and consequences. Without these things, our students will never be able to compete on an international stage. I just hope our leaders will see that before too long; and not only see it but have the guts to do something about it . . .

human rights and their priority

During the Summer Olympics many spectators were concerned about the multiple human rights violations that were going on in China. (Some even called for the US to pull out of the Olympics completely.)

Hillary Clinton, our Secretary of State, is currently in China talking with Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabao about a variety of things. When I checked www.cnn.com this morning, this is the first thing I saw: "U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broached the issue of human rights with Chinese leaders Saturday, but emphasized that the world economic and other crises are more pressing and immediate priorities. 'Human rights cannot interfere with the global economic crisis, the global climate change crisis and the security crises,' Clinton said in talks with China's foreign minister." (You can read the article here: http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/21/clinton.china.asia/index.html)

This statement angers me. Clinton is a representative of the United States and she goes to China and basically says, "We don't like that you're violating human rights but it's okay for now because we are much more concerned with money to worry about it. Maybe once we get all of this other stuff under control . . . "

Are you joking?! In my book, people will ALWAYS be more important than the state of the economy. And it hurts that my country does not believe the same.

I believe that we are called to take care of those who cannot take of themselves, no matter where they live: on the streets in a city, in the hollers of a rural area, or in a slum overseas. I believe that is what God calls us to do.

It's in black and white: "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (Matthew 25:34-40)

I can read it again, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't say, "Take care of the least of these brothers of mine after you get the financial sector in line and once greenhouse gases are under control."

I hope that those who love the Lord step up and go their part to stop human rights violations not just in China but all over the world. Me included.

To whom it may concern:

Re: Housing, mortgages, and foreclosures

To whom it may concern:

My husband and I purchased a house in April of 2008. We looked very carefully at our finances and the numbers before even thinking about putting in an offer. We put some money down and now have a mortgage that is manageable. These facts alone put us in the minority. There are many who bought homes with no money down and have monthly payments they cannot afford. And now these individuals will be rewarded for their poor decisions by getting alternatives to foreclosure and options to refinance?! This is exactly what is wrong with our culture: people do not have to face the consequences of their actions. What is this teaching people? If you make poor choices you will get bailed out? I want to know when I will be rewarded for making good choices. Why don't I get some money for being wise with my money? I'll be waiting but I won't be holding my breath.

Sincerely,

A Fiscally Responsible Citizen

I beg to disagree . . .

While I was at work today, I found my way onto www.cnn.com and came across an article based on an interview with Bristol Palin, the Republican VP nominee's daughter. (In case you don't remember, she is the one who got pregnant out of wedlock and had a baby.) This was Bristol's first interview after having her baby. The interviewer basically asked her about birth control and she said that abstinence was the best option but that she didn't think it was "realistic."

Miss Bristol, I beg to disagree.

Remaining abstinent was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I faced temptations and made mistakes, but I can tell you that it is possible. (And I am not the only one who has made that decision.)

We live in a world where people do what they want whenever they want it. But, as followers of Christ, we are called to be different from those in the world. We are set apart, not just in what we believe, but also in our choices, decisions, and actions.

And that is exactly why we must do things that the world says are "not realistic."

We must love all.

We must care for the least of these.

We must die to ourselves.

We must live for others.

We must remain abstinent.

The state of South Carolina has given me a piece of paper that says I am certified to teach. However, I was a bit nervous and overwhelmed about teaching Spanish. Although I can speak some, I was intimidated by the idea of teaching it. However, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. Most of my students walked into my classrom knowing little more than "hola" and "adios" and they have walked out-only 6 days later-and can say the alphabet, greet someone, ask your name and where you're from, and respond to those same questions. It's a cool feeling. I am looking forward to seeing even more. Tomorrow we're going to learn numbers 0-31 and how to tell time.

In spite of this measurable growth, I hope my students leave my class at the end of the semester knowing that I love and care for them. And really, as long as they know that, I could care less if they remembered Spanish.

secrets and freedom

I read the secrets posted on www.postsecret.com every single week. Every week I am astounded by the things that haunt people. Some of the hauntings are family, friends, past lovers, current lovers, children, jobs, dreams, desires. As I read it I think about these secrets and the people they represent and I hurt. My heart hurts. My spirit hurts. I hurt for those people and wish for them to find the one in whom they can find freedom. I have carried secrets like these, some of the cards could have been written by me, but I have found freedom. I no longer allow my secrets to hold me back or continue to hurt me. The truth will set you free; it has set me free.

swirling . . .

I'm teaching three Spanish I classes this semester. I'm nervous. But I can't tell if it's because I'm going to teach Spanish or if it's because I am nervous about classroom management.

Budget cuts are the thing of the present. The federal government. The state government. The school board. I hate that those who need the money most are losing it at a rapid pace. And no one seems to care.

I watched the inauguration today. I was proud. I watched history. Some think that racism is ending. I know it's not. Our country is just finding new groups of people to hate and discriminate against. Apparently the concept of love is lost on the American people.

We went to DC over Christmas break and spent a lot of time in the Museum of American History. One thing that stuck out to me while I was there: the items/topics/subjects/etc that were missing from the exhibits. The fact that we sent Japanese-Americans to internment camps during WWII. The fact that the government tried to hide a war from the people and lied to them along every step of the way.

Critical thinking skills are almost non-existent in the students I teach. So is respect.

I'm beginning to see God more and more around me. I'm not sure if it's because my eyes are more open or if He's being more obvious.

Where does my passion in teaching lie? In teaching itself or in a specific subject?

I hate seeing my students (and friends) make poor choices. I truly care about them and I wish they would see/understand that.

I'm still trying to find myself as a teacher; I wonder how long it will take.

Secrets are powerful, and, in a strange way, bring people together.

What is in store for Chris and I in the future?

Sometimes I feel like I miss the most obvious things . . .

It's been a while . . .

I've been teaching high school for a month and a half now. Some days it's amazing, others it's not so great. Overall, I love teaching and feel like I can truly make a difference.

It's football season. I love football season.

ER's last season on tv started this past week. I have watched ER from day one. I have mixed emotions about it's exit from the tv world, but I don't think that I'll have a hard time moving on.

Teenagers are hilarious. Everyday they say and do things that make me laugh.

Chris and I have maybe found a church. It's something that is new and different to both of us, and we really enjoy it.

I have the most wonderful puppy ever.

My parents are coming this weekend.

I am enjoying watching Alabama beat Georgia.

I am 115% percent that I married the most incredible man in the entire world.

November 4 is quickly approaching and I have no idea who I am going to vote for. That distresses me a little.

I can't wait until it gets cold enough to use our fireplace.

I want to make a difference in the lives of my students. That is my goal.

Vietnam War

I am currently enrolled in a class called the "Vietnam Experience" at Converse. It is basically the history of Vietnam with a significant focus on the American war there. I was not at all excited about this class. I tried my hardest to get out of it, but I had no choice. Now I am just over half-way through the class and I find myself with a significant interest in the Vietnam War. In fact, last week when Chris and I went to Barnes and Noble, I spent a long time in the Vietnam War section looking at all the books and memoirs. I want to interview veterans, and learn about their experiences. I am not sure why I have this sudden interest in Vietnam, but I find myself wanting to get my hands on any information about it. I have a thirst for knowledge about it and I cannot wait to learn more.

Alive Day

Have you ever experienced an event and you know you need to write/blog about it, but you aren't sure where to start? I feel a little like that. Yesterday was Alive Day for my friend Andrew. Alive Day is the anniversary of an injury; it is called that so one can remember all that he/she has left, not what he/she has lost. On October 29, 2006 Andrew was in an accident with an IED in Iraq. He lost both his legs and suffered significant abdominal injuries. I met him through my husband's discipleship group. I remember where we were a year ago when we learned that Andrew was injured: we were in my parents' garage in Nashville. We'd been in town for a wedding and Chris got a call that Andrew was seriously injured. At that point we did not know if he would make it. Information was unclear and not forthcoming. When he got to the United States he had gone into cardiac arrest 2 or 3 times. We gathered to pray and cry and hope that he would make it through this. And as I write now I wish that I had more eloquence and grace; better words to express my thoughts and feelings over this past year. My husband and I cried together. I asked God why Andrew. I prayed. I cried some more. A group of us went to DC to visit Andrew after Christmas. He was out of ICU (but not by long) and we still had to wear gowns and gloves to go in his room. His spirit was amazing. I was blown away by his attitude and the smile on his face. We brought him sweet tea from one of his favorite restaurants. We played cards and spent time together. It was a good trip. It was neat to see how good he was doing in spite of all he had lost. He was not grieving, but was thankful. We saw Andrew again in August at a discipleship reunion. He was doing even better. He was on the jet ski and swimming in the lake. He was more mobile than I was anticipating. And there was that smile. And this past Saturday Andrew came home for the first time not only since his accident, but since he left. It was one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. The people came out in droves, and so did the motorcycles. As various people spoke I cried and was overwhelmed by it all. The next day Andrew spoke at church. He talked about two things that have gotten him through this experience: prayer and discipline. He brought tears to many eyes. And the next day in class my professor spoke abuot what Andrew had said. He even admitted that he was brought to tears. Andrew has touched so many lives and he does not even realize the extent of it. He is just a 24 year old man living life with what he has. And maybe that is what is so amazing about it.

Close but no cigar . . .

It's thundering outside. It's been thundering for at least half an hour. But no rain. It thundered all afternoon yesterday, too. But no rain. Well, it sprinkled. But we need rain, intense rain. Sprinkling is close, but it's no cigar . . .

Genocide and Forgiveness

My senior year of high school I took a humanities class, and in it we studied the American Civil Rights Movement, the Holocaust, and the genocides of multiple countries. In this class we read a book entitled, "We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With our Families: Stories from Rwanda" by Philip Gourevitch. The first sentence reads: "Decimation means the killing of every tenth person in a population, and in the spring and summer of 1994 a program of massacres decimated the Republic of Rwanda." In 1994 about 800,000 people died over the course of 100 days in one of the world's worst genocides since the Second World War. Reading this book opened my eyes to this atrocity as well as to the fact that few Americans, including our government, did anything to stop it. In Rwanda, the Hutus systemactically killed the Tutsis. Tutsis took refuge in schools and churches only to be massacred there. The Murambi Technical School is now a genocide museum with 45,000 skulls and corpses in all of its rooms, not because they were moved there, but because they were killed there. It has been six years since I read Gourevitch's book, and have not heard much about the Rwandan genocide in the media since.

One of the websites I frequent is that of Relevant Magazine and it's lead article today is entitled, "Unconditional: In the face of a terrible genocide, two Rwandan men choose forgiveness and hope." This article by Katherine Carelock describes two Rwandan men, Emmanuel and Ernest, whose families were killed and who have found forgiveness in spite of the atrocities they have encountered. The link to the article is below. Please read it, for two reasons. The first is to become a little more knowledgable about this event. And the second is to read about the application of forgiveness in real life and be challenged to forgive the personal atrocities in your own life.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7406

The Little Engine that Could

I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights and as I looked around the darkness hoping to fall alseep, I've done a lot of praying and a lot of thinking. One of the things I thought about last night was the book "The Little Engine that Could." We read that book a lot when I was little, and I haven't really thought much about it until last night. I thought about how the lesson/moral of it has implications for me at 24 years of age. In the book the little engine has to climb a big hill and he does it by saying "I think I can" over and over again and by going slowly but surely up the hill. He makes it and there is much rejoicing. And I was thinking last night about the little engine and how in my life there are sometimes looming obstacles and overwhelming situations. Like the engine got over the hill, I can get through them (with Jesus, of course) by taking things one step at a time and by encouraging myself (preferably through a Bible verse). And I feel like right now I am at a place where I know there is a hill, but I'm not sure how close it is to where I am. It could be around the next curve, but it could be a few miles off. Regardless, I know that I will make it to the top of the hill.

Hopefully I will sleep better tonight, but if I don't maybe I'll come up with something else to blog about . . .

Eli's coming . . .

There's a storm brewing outside my apartment. It's been thundering and very windy for the last half an hour or so, but there hasn't been any rain. Sometimes it's calmest before a storm, but sometimes it can be nasty and violent. And at times some people see the storm coming but others see nothing. The bottom line: Eli's coming. He may come in the next three or four minutes or maybe not until later tonight, but he's coming. What will Eli do? Will be bring the much needed rain? Will he cause wide spread power outages and fallen trees? Only time will tell. I hope that Eli will bring relief from the pain of drought even though there might be pain in the storm.

and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Eli's coming. And when he gets here I hope that no matter the pain I can raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

Ron Paul on Foreign Policy

I've been reading a lot lately about Ron Paul, who's a candidate for the Republican Presidential nomination. I haven't been following the election, but some of those whose blogs I check on a regular basis really like him. However, this blog is not about how I feel about him as a candidate; it's about an article I read on CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/18/martin/index.html).

The main just of the article is that the United States brought the attacks upon itself because of its foreign policy. Paul seems to imply that because we have been in the Middle East for 10 years bombing and generally interfering we were only breeding anger in the hearts of some Iraqis and so here we are today: fighting a war. During the Cold War George Kennan discussed the fact that it is impossible to separate Communism from the internal affairs of a country (take Vietnam, for example). Towards the end of Kennan's life he wrote the same thing about terrorism. It is impossible for us to separate terrorism from the internal affairs in Iraq, which could be part of the reason why this war seems so far from over.

This term I was in a Russian history course and we talked a lot about the Cold War, and there were some perspectives that I had never been taught before. One of those is that the Russians were responding to our actions that they perceived as aggressive; we, in turn, responded to their responses and we almost had a nuclear war on our hands. I know that this view is not wildly popular among some, who, may, in fact, still want to drop a nuke on the Russians. But the point is that there are multiple ways to interpret history and history must be interpreted in the context of the present.

Honestly, I do not know whether or not I support the war. I know that it forever changed the life of one of my friends. I know that not many people support it. I know that the President is trying his best to stay the course while Congress is trying its best to get us out of the boat. Regardless, I think that Ron Paul's opinion deserves some attention, and should not be written off, as Giullani did during the most recent Republican debate (May 15, 2007).

I am not in any way trying to justify the terrorist attacks on the United States. I am simply stating that we as Americans often think that we have done nothing wrong and are innocent victims. I am inclined to agree with Paul: we are not innocent victims here; our foreign policy most likely has contributed to the attacks and therefore, have brought us to where we are now.

Why don't the Christians just love?

There are a lot of things that bother me, but one that is currently at the top of my list is when Christians assume being a Christian means being a Republican. And if you are a Christian and not a Republican, then you are not a "real" Christian. It is so sad to me that Christianity is so tightly related to politics. I understand that untangling the two would be, for the most part, futile, but why must Christians be so emphatic about the connection between God, Christianity, and being a Republican? Why can't people just know Christians by our love and by how we show that love to others? I mean, honestly, why has Christianity strayed so far from what God intended it to be? I cannot even begin to believe that in God's plan for the world, He thought: "And around the year 2007, I don't want my children to be known for their love, but instead, for their Republicanism. And it is good." Are you joking?! My prayer for Christians in America is that they will stop ranting and raving about being a good Republican and start loving those around them. I mean, after all, which is going to make a bigger impact for the kingdom?

One of the Boys

I recently got an invitation on Facebook to be in a group. The group is called Danny's Boys. And here is the story behind the invitation:

It started when Chris was in high school and was a member of a discipleship group at church. The group was led by Danny Jelley, and the guys continued to hang out through, and now after, college. One of the first "tests" I had to pass as Chris's girlfriend was meeting Danny. I had just driven 6 hours from Nashville and Chris took me to his house and we talked. Danny asked me some deep questions about myself and my relationship with God and then he had to leave because China called. I'm not sure how long Danny was on the phone, but I think I may have fallen asleep on the couch. I'm pretty sure I passed the "test" because he would have told Chris if he didn't approve.

Since meeting Danny, I met the guys from this group and was immediately accepted because of Chris and our relationship. This was truly an amazing feeling. This group was, and still is, a huge part of Chris's life, and they have become a huge part of mine as well. Danny and his wife have welcomed me into their home and discipleship family, and so have the guys. This was point was driven home when I got an invitation on Facebook to join the group "Danny's Boys."

(Untitled)

This entry is dedicated to those who check blogs on a daily basis . . .

I think one of the reasons I don't update my blog on a regular (or even semi-regular) basis is because I am an introvert. Being an introvert really has nothing to do with being a "people person," it's about how one processes life and its events. I am a person who very much needs to think about things for a while before I can talk to anyone else about them. Chris knows this, however, many of you, blog readers, do not, so I am enlightening you. I actually enjoy writing and find it comforting, but I hesitate to blog my thoughts simply because I don't want the world reading my processing. Does that make sense?

Last week Chris and I were watching Miami Ink, a show about a tattoo parlor set in Miami (obviously). In this particular episode a man came in to have his tattoo finished and that meant adding a verse from Isaiah. The tattoo-ee was telling the tattoo-er his life story explaining how he came to know the Lord and left a life of drugs and crime. After the tattoo-ee left the parlor, the tattoo-er talked about how this guy's story was good but that the man should have given himself more credit; basically the tattoo-er was saying it was the man's hard work that turned his life around and had very little, if anything to do with God. This statement struck me; the tattoo-er really believed that God didn't do anything, implying that as humans we have the capability of pulling/getting ourselves out of whatever we are stuck in. If that were the case our world would be a vastly different place. Think about all the people in world and the problems each of us has and the fact that we are hopelessly stuck with them because we are incapable of fixing them. Our world is full of people who seek alcohol, drugs, relationships, and various other things to try to get themselves out of situations to find that they are only in deeper . . .

Situations like these show me very vividly that there is a need for a god of some sort. A need for something bigger than ourselves. For me, and many others, that is the god described in the Christian Bible. I know that He is bigger than all situations and He can help us get out of whatever we're in. I hope that the tattoo-er from Miami Ink comes to a place in his life where he realizes he needs something bigger and finds God.

A young lady from Spartanburg, South Carolina knows this God. To read her story visit: www.caringbridge.com/visit/hannahsobeski